Fall Glory

The fall days last forever down here in NC.

We enjoyed a beautiful walk this past weekend.

My heart is healing. My body feels stronger. I am so happy for the life I have.

I love my little Sammy. He is the BEST thing since sliced bread.

I love my husband. He is the best thing since boxed cereal. And I love cereal. Right now I'm into Golden Grahms. I'm not like those moms who don't let their kiddos eat sweet cereals. Is it really that bad? I grew up eating a wide variety of cereals and I turned out fine. Well, somewhat anyways....

Thanks for reading my last post. After I posted it, I wondered if it was too much information, but then I realized the story I told could be help to others. Humans can only help other humans by sharing their hearts.

So here it goes...

I recently had a miscarriage. I found out I was pregnant in September. I was ecstatic! Never did the "M" word enter my mind. I started to feel horribly sick (a good sign right?). I had some really tough days where it was difficult to take care of my little boy let alone myself. I remember thinking oh i just want to feel normal again, no sickness! Now all I can think of is how I miss that sick feeling and if it would only come back I would feel normal again. Funny and cruel how the mind works.

We went in for our ultrasound at what I thought would be 9 weeks. I expected to see a little heart thumping away and a little bean jumping around. The look on the ultrasound technician's face said otherwise. "Can you see my baby?" ..... "I'm not allowed to say anything about what I see until I show the Doctor," she replied. My stomach sank. I knew by her tone that it wasn't good. She brought in the doctor, my husband, and son. My suspicion was confirmed, she explained that there was no heartbeat and that the baby died somewhere around 6 weeks but that the sac was still growing. I don't remember much else. I felt like someone had just crushed my family dreams. Why did this happen? Why did my body betray me. I had already carried a perfectly healthy baby to term. He was there smiling and driving his matchbox car on his daddy's shoulder.

I cried.

Then I tried to act normal. But I was still carrying around his baby. My dead baby. I had two more appointments that confirmed what we had seen at the first appointment. I was given cytotec to induce the miscarriage since my body was not starting the process. I didn't take it. A few days later on the 3rd of November I started to spot. "Ok God let's get this over with. Help my body to do this so I can move on." The contractions were strong, kind of like labor but not quite as painful. I still curled into a ball with every contraction and reminded myself to breathe. Then I started to bleed. Heavily. After an hour or so I started to think that this couldn't be normal. This isn't right. My husband asked if I needed to go to the ER. I waited a little longer and then as I stood up I started to feel light headed. "I think I we should go," I said. "This doesn't feel normal."

We arrived at the hospital somewhere between 10:30 and 11 pm. I sat down and they took my vitals. They told me I had to wait for a bed. I got up to use the restroom. I could tell I was bleeding through my jeans. I started to fall to the ground and black out. Nurses picked me up and rushed me to a bed. An IV was started and I started to feel better. I felt as if I was watching a movie of someone else's life. Not mine. I tried to act normal since my husband and my son were in the room with me. I didn't want my husband to be upset. The Dr. came in and explained that bleeding was normal for a miscarriage and a few more non comforting words. I was not reassured. I was passing large clots of blood and still contracting hard. After she examined me they forgot to hook me back up to the blood pressure machine for 2- 3 hours. They were going to check my hemoglobin and give me a rhogam shot and then dismiss me. The Dr. came in to check on my and noticed my blood pressure was not being monitored. She hooked it up and it showed 70/30. "That's not good. We can't send you home with that kind of blood pressure." She was angry with the nurse that was supposed to be monitoring me. Mind you, no one was checking on my bleeding. I was using my child's diapers instead of their pads because it was better contained in them. The doctor left to go call the Obgyn doctor.

I broke down.

I started to cry. Not only did I have to deal with the emotional aspect of losing a child, but I had to deal with this horrible physical part of it too.

I stopped crying, the new doctor came in and explained that I needed a D&C. They would get all the blood and tissue out of me so that my body would stop contracting and purging blood. Everything happened quickly after that. I was put under anesthesia, rolled into the surgery room, and the last thing I remember was talking about polar bears and strawberry rivers (the most enjoyable part of my hospital experience). I was also given a blood transfusion.

It has been a week since my miscarriage. I still don't feel 100%. I feel weak. I feel sad. I think it will take me a while to sort through these emotions. I know this happens to a lot of women. I know that they get through it and that they go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies. I want others to know that they aren't alone if this has happened to you.

I think the one good thing to come out of this is my strengthened faith in God.

I had a dream about my baby two nights after being in the hospital. I gave birth to my baby boy. He looked similar to Sammy but with lighter hair. They told me he was only 5 lbs. He was smiley. I got to hold him and nurse him. It was so real and peaceful. I also dreamt of my grandparents that same night and I was left with the feeling that they were all together in heaven.

Maybe God put me through this experience to let me know that He really exists. That He really is in control. And there are things that are going to happen in life that I may not understand, but I need to trust and know that it is His plan that is going to prevail. I have doubted from time to time, but I won't doubt ever again. I came across this verse a few days ago which really struck a chord in my heart.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

~Proverbs 19:21

18 months

My little boy is amazing because:

1. He gets up in the morning and tries to pick up all 10 of his balls and carry them out into the living room.

2. He knows all of his body parts and colors.

3. He knows where I keep the chocolate and asks for it about 100 times a day.

4. When he takes a bath the floor is completely covered in water and I might as well wear my swimsuit because I am drenched after the first two minutes of splashing.

5. He can catch a ball already! I think he is bound to be an athlete.

6. He can draw a circle...and draw on himself and the floor and my face.

7. He will toot and laugh super hard about it.

8. He likes salad!

9. When he is being tickled by daddy he keeps asking for more even though he can barely breath from laughing so hard.

10. He gets into everything and will try to run away and hide from me. Sometimes he hides so well that it takes me a few minutes to find him.

11. He loves the cats and tries to "ride" our Garfield cat Abner.

Five Minute Friday: Everyday.

This blog idea is taken from The Gypsy Mama.

Would love to hear your version of this topic. Just leave a link to your blog :)

There is comfort in the everyday. The 7:30 wake up of my baby boy who needs his milk and to be cuddled by his momma. Toasting toast and the dripping sound of coffee in the pot. Sparkling up the counters so I can see the light from the window reflect upon it.

Nothing like the hum drum of the every day. The sound of the dryer as the sheets and bleached towels tangle and go thump thump. Messy toys around my feet, the little voice that laughs and pulls at my tangled hair. Those blue eyes that love me unconditionally just how our creator loves us too.

Ah the beauty of everyday. The cats lounge in the sunshine on the floor. Thoughts about when to start dinner and when to fold the laundry and still squeeze in a few minutes to finish that good book. Then spills on the floor and kisses for bumped heads. There are stories to be read cat tails to pull and dump trucks to be driven.

Dinner comes, trying to teach the little one to fold his hands and say Amen. Daddy horsey rides, bath time and bubbles. Spreading out on the living room floor with a heap of blankets and pillows. Enjoying being a family. The towels still not folded.

Ah the everyday.

The beach part 1

I can still feel the saltwater in my hair as I get ready to go to the grocery store.

the salt I pick up off the shelf is unlike the salt I wish I could still taste on my upper lip

still hearing the sounds of my little one yell and squeel as he is collides with another wave

gripping his little hands I let out a "weeee!" along with him

tiny wide feet hit the sand, chasing sea faring birds and jumping into small pools left by the tide

sitting a minute to catch my breath, watching my angel boy scoop up a billion grains of sand as he stares in amazement at the glops plopping kerplunk back into the water

the sand fades and gathers once again to the bottom of the sea floor

bits of seashells and seaweed gather in piles from the tide that forever move in and out

feeling the breeze pick up and wrapping my ocean kissed boy up in a big teal towel

time to go in

these thoughts are now memories burned into my head

how beautiful

Mother's Day

I had a very nice mother's day. The first gift that Samuel decided to give me was a few extra hours of sleep! I would have been happy with just that but my husband insisted that we must do whatever I felt like doing all day so I obliged. I wanted to stay in my pj's all morning and sip big mugs of 8' oclock coffee (which I must say is really good coffee if you haven't tried it. The Mr. made waffles and scrambled eggs for us and my belly was satisfied and happy.

We had a nice afternoon at the mall where I picked out a new pair of Rainbow sandals (the comfiest sandals you could ever wear because they mold to the shape of your foot). Samuel can walk now, so holding onto my left hand and his daddy's right hand he marched along with us at a very slow pace, stopping to look up at big mall lights, signs, and other children. He is so much fun to be with. His vocabulary has taken off and he is trying to say so many words now. When he hears an airplane, a motorcycle, or a bird he stops whatever he is doing to look in that direction and he says "this?" And I say "Yes Sammy it's a motorcycle!" He then gives me the biggest smile. Knowing that I acknowledge what he hears/sees makes him so happy.

We had a delicious lunch in the downtown area where we live and we smelled the roses and geraniums as we walked by.

***SIDE NOTE: Sammy is really into "sniffing" now and he thinks smelling things is a fun game, especially if it is stinky! He loves to take my husband's socks and stick them in my face just to hear me say "Peeee yooooo! Stinky!" This game can last about ten hours if I let it, so sometimes I just hide the socks and move on to the next game.

We then headed home, to relax and enjoy the last few hours of our Sunday. I hope you had an enjoyable mother's day. I love my little family and being a mom is the best job/title in the world!

12 months

sweet baby feet -a few days old

To my dear little Sammy

I have been putting off writing this post because I haven't been able to find the words to express what you mean to me. I have started writing it maybe 10 times, and finally decided to just write and leave it as is.

You came into this world one year ago at 9:56 AM. A beautiful healthy boy with lots of hair, flawless skin, and alert blue eyes weighing 7 lbs 6 oz. Perfect. Your dad and I had no idea what we were in for. They joy you have brought into our lives is tremendous and we feel so very blessed.

This is one of my favorite pictures of you, so tiny with arms wide open.

Home from the hospital. So tiny. So perfect.

Birthday spread

The day after your birthday you took your first steps. Just a few. Then, yesterday you started walking. Like really walking! You marched from the kitchen to the living room with a cracker in your hand taking 28 big boy steps! It was amazing. You are amazing. You can now say Baby (in reference to the baby pictures on the refrigerator and in your books), juice -"uice", tree -"wee", peek a boo - "boo boo", chicken - "buck buck", puppy- "woof", horse- "erse", "more", balloon- "boon", cat - "eeeoow", and a few more that I cannot think of at the moment.

Ever since your grandma Barb came for a visit you have been obsessed with the birds outside. She taught you how to say "tweet tweet!" and to look for them flying up above. You are also aware of the many helicopters and planes that fly overhead and you point excitedly at them. You take a great interest in cars and trucks and you thoroughly enjoy making vroom noises.

On our outings you are quite the little ham. You smile and tilt your head at all the ladies and you act so sweet. You love facing forward in the shopping carts and you say "wee, wee, wee!" as your dad or I push you along. You make so many people smile and wave! It has to make their day to see such an adorable little guy having so much fun.

Other activities you enjoy include: pulling cat tails (not the plant), pulling everything out of cupboards and drawers, watching jeopardy ( an evening ritual here), pounding on the tv, trying to get the cord to the blinds, trying to open the toilet lid, getting into paper towels and toilet paper, singing Old McDonald (e-i-e-i-o!), throwing weeble wobbles at me, trying to hit me if I take something away (still trying to figure out how to deal with this!), turning on the dishwasher or turning it off, changing channels on the tv at the most inopportune moment, sharing crackers or juice with me and your dad, looking at books, playing tractors and cars, taking baths, and enjoying nature on stroller rides.

Samuel, you are such a joy. I love you. Your daddy loves you. And we look forward to the many memories to be made in the future!

Love,

Mom

This Moment

Bed Head

Idea from Soule Mama : {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Thursday Things: St. Patrick's Day Inspiration

I have always been proud to be Irish. My maiden name is McGuire. You can't get much more Irish than that folks! I don't know why but I have always downplayed my French, English, and Polish background. Being Irish seems more fun somehow doesn't it? I think on St. Patty's day everyone likes to pretend they are a wee bit Irish, just so they can talk with a fake Irish accent and drink green beer. I don't think I will be doing the latter this year, but I will be celebrating with my little lucky charm ;-)

I put together a little collection of Thursday Things in celebration of this St. Patty's day.

Enjoy!

This enchanting photo print by smacshop takes me to another place, another land. I love it!

These pillows by ChloeandOliveDotCom are bold, modern, and very affordable. These graphic patterns are very "in" right now.

Antique brass owl + Jade = winning combo! Find this necklace from offbeet's shop on Etsy.

Although the weather is getting warmer we still need to keep those little baby feet warm! These springy booties can be found in handmadebabylove's shop.

Quilts are a necessity to create a warm and welcoming home. I am drawn to this star pattern. It looks like it would take a lot of hours to put together this intricate design by MurphysHouse.

And lastly, a Claddagh ring from nellyvansee's shop. It is an Irish symbol of love faith and loyalty. I thought you might appreciate a little education on the Claddaugh from Wikipedia:

The Claddagh ring (Irish: fáinne Chladaigh) is a traditional Irish ring given as a token of love or worn as a wedding ring. The design and customs associated with it originated in the Irish fishing village of Claddagh, located just outside the city of Galway. The ring was first produced in the 17th century during the reign of Queen Mary II, though elements of the design date to the late Roman period.

Now I leave you with an Irish Blessing:

May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields and,

Until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

On buying handmade and new items in my shop

purchase this banner here

Greetings!

Do you believe in buying handmade? I do. I was on etsy today and came across etsy's featured seller, Cathy McMurray and I was struck by her quote:

"Choosing handmade is choosing a slower way of life, one rooted in tradition and creative expression."

And I thought to myself, yes. This is true and this way of life is important to me. There is a huge movement to buy handmade. When you buy handmade you are getting something that was made with thoughtfulness, creativity, and heart. You are giving less money to the middle man and more to the person who actually put the time into making the creation. It is a good thing. Not to mention, you are getting something unique that you can't just go out to Target (no offense, I love going to Target) and get.

When you give your hard earned money to someone with a small business, you are helping them to fuel their passion! How neat is that? You get something fun and creative, and in turn you help someone to stay inspired and to keep creating beautiful things.

These are my thoughts on handmade :)

Also new in the shop are some decorative paper banners. I recently made this one for a friend's sister's baby shower.

purchase this banner here

I think it turned out really nice and I think it will add that extra something special to the party. Her sister can also use it to decorate her baby's room with it when they are done using it at the party. If you are interested in having a banner made for your next celebration, whether it's a birthday, shower, or just something beautiful to have hanging up on your walls ( everyday can be a celebration in your home)! Please let me know. I would love to work with you!

Hope your Wednesday is full of creativity and enjoyment!

Kelly

11 months

Dear Sammy

12 months ago I was getting your room prepared....

I was folding mini clothes, imagining what you would look like wearing them

I was looking through all the gifts and toys that had been given to you....

I was singing songs to you in my belly and still trying to decide on your name!

You have reached 11 months old today! And so far it has been an amazing journey.

This past month you have really blossomed into a little boy. I hate to say that because I love you as a tiny baby so much, but it is true. You have officially said your first word on command: Ball! You can also say Bath (still working on the "th" sound at the end), and Book! I just know you are knocking out those "b" words so you can get to more important words like Mama! You actually call me Nana which is just fine with me for now. You really understand me when I talk to you. For example, you will go get your tractor if I ask you where it is or go to the kitchen when I ask if you want a cracker. It truly is amazing to witness your cognitive growth. You love to play rough, be tickled, be surprised, be chased through the house. We laugh so much together lately. I enjoy seeing you take in the world around you, like yesterday when you saw bees for the first time swarming a tree with blossoms. I can see your little mind working and I wonder what you are thinking?

You have also been experimenting with pushing your boundaries. You want to explore everything and anything even if I say "no." No is more of a game to you than anything. When I say no to you and pick you up to remove you from the situation you get very frustrated and try to hit me in the face! I then have to hold your hand down and say no again, and in turn you laugh hysterically! Oh my. This parenting thing is not easy that's for sure. I am learning along with you. Trying to be gentle yet firm. You will get the hang of it and so will I.

You have been teething like a maniac lately. Two nights ago you were up every hour crying! I felt so bad (and tired the next morning). You want to bite into every object in the house, even the couch and stray shoes left by the door. Lord only knows I can't let you eat our shoes! Of course you don't want anything to do with the teething rings we have for you. Hmmph.

Well I better go accomplish some housework while you sleep like a little cherub.

Love you like bees like honey which is a whole bunch!

Mom

*To my blog readers, thank you for stopping by and reading about my year with Sammy. Next month he will be a year old! I hope to continue writing monthly letters to him, and also posting more about things I have been making/cooking/creating!

Spring has arrived!

Spring has arrived here in NC.

A few days ago I stepped outside and saw that the trees were flowering.

I mean REALLY flowering. See what I mean?

I took a bunch of pictures of these trees, thinking that I would make some grand photo collage to post on here, but with a nearly 11 month old who has time for such nonsense? I mean, I haven't even brushed my hair yet today people!

So you will have to enjoy each picture. One...by....one.

Some of the bushes have flowered around my apartment. I don't know what this one is called do you? It smells realllly good too! I tried to let Sammy smell it, but instead he tried to eat the yellow pollen. YUM! Speaking of Sammy....

He likes boxes and camera cords. Who needs toys? Isn't he cute!? Just in case you aren't sure....

Here he is showing off his chubby cheeks. And funny hair from taking a bath.

So now that spring is here. I feel lighter on my feet. I feel sunshine in my heart!

The only bad thing about the warmer weather is that it foreshadows the even hotter weather that will come with summer. It was 80 degrees here on Monday and because I wasn't thinking, I did not wear sunscreen and on Tuesday I woke up with red tomato shoulders and arms! I would show you a picture of that but I will spare you.

Here are some mighty pine trees from my walk on Monday. This is for my friend Katie. We talked about Pine trees earlier this week.

So here's to spring and buds and blooms and shiny happy people. And for those of you who still have another month of winter. You will have to live vicariously through blogs :)

10 Months

ready to take on the world!

You have a sweet and happy spirit

True love

Dear Samuel

You are 10 months old and it seems like you are catching on and learning things exponentially faster each day! You pull up to stand on furniture and pretty much everything. You can crawl so fast that I can't leave the room for a nanosecond. You love bright lights, technology, the cats (wow do you love the cats!). You insist on feeding yourself if possible. If I try to bring a spoon to your mouth you will whack the spoon out of my hand faster than I can say "Sammy no!" You still have a smile that fills your entire face which in turn fills mine. You get frustrated when you want something you can't have and I'm sorry little guy, but this feeling is probably only going to get worse. You play with cars and tractors and make a "vrrroooom" noise as you play. You learned how to put your little car down a ramp. Your dad and I were SO impressed. You also quack like a duck. It is so adorable might I add. You are drawn to cords and lights and miniscule objects on the floor which means I have to vacuum every day. You learned how to drink from a straw this month. You like smoothies and chocolate shakes from Chik-fil-a. You hate carrots. You love broccoli. You are so good on outings. You never complain as long as you are fed (must take after me). You love the angel magnet on the fridge and the new owl cookie jar your dad bought for me. The weather has been so nice that you have been able to explore the great outside world. You tried to eat a stick and some grass the other day. My world revolves around you and I don't mind one bit. I look forward to each new month and exploring the world with you.

Love you to pieces little Sammy!

Love Mom

Thursday Things: Pastels

I am so happy to bring back "Thursday Things" to my blog. It is a compilation of "things" I have noticed on the internet throughout the week that I would like to share with you! Enjoy!

Milk glass is one of my secret obsessions. I wish I had a whole collection of vases and creamy mugs to drink from. These are some I found on Etsy that I am pining for.

1. JaditeKate

2. MissMossy

3.Retropop

4. BarkingSandsVintage

Next up is Creative Thursday's adorable prints. I plan to purchase some when I have a little girl someday. Whenever I lack inspiration I always visit her blog. I think she has magical powers or something! You can visit her blog here

Next is this awesome painted silverware. And for the life of me I can't find the link for the blog that I first saw this on! You know how you are reading a blog you like and then you see another blog in the sidebar that catches your eye so you click on it? That's what I did and I saved this picture but I forgot to save the link. So I apologize. I like these retro colors though. They are really snazzy!

This is it for Thursday things. Have a great day and remember that tomorrow is Friday and that is exciting in and of itself!

Gift idea

To anyone out there who is looking for a gift idea for Valentine's day.....

It's a Bird on a Cup painting by yours truly. I can add any letter to the cup that you wish. I can paint any bird that you like AND it is an original work of art that you will have forever and ever!

Just head over to my shop for purchase.

Thanks and have a great day!

A moment from our weekend

Nothing melts a mother's heart more than seeing this.

They were looking at the geese outside. I was looking at them.

I love my boys oh so much.

Happy Tuesday!

What is holding you back?

I am writing this post for anyone out there who feels blocked from their creativity. I get this feeling a lot as a mom. I get all these great ideas in the back of my mind for things I want to make and then as the day goes on I get stuck in the routine and tasks of daily life and these ideas stay merely ideas. Sometimes I get some time to myself and sometimes I just want to do NOTHING. This has also been a roadblock. Then I will read some other creative mom blogs who have 5 kids, keep up 3 blogs, exercise daily, grocery shop, work from home, and still find time to paint and create beautiful things and I'm left feeling extremely inadequate. Does this ever happen to you? Do you have any tips for when you feel unmotivated or stuck?

I guess the trick is to stop coming up with excuses when I have time and to just make something. Even if it is just getting my watercolors out and playing rather than creating some grand miraculous work of art. I made the above screen saver/wallpaper as a reminder to myself. If you would like a copy for free just send me an email :)

Oh and I made this little painting yesterday and it is for sale in my shop now.

Hoping you can let your creativity flow today!

Kelly

STUFF does not make your life any happier in the BUT

a smile like this does.....

I was watching the oprah show on happiness this morning and I wasn't surprised to learn that the thing that makes for a much happier life is interaction with other humans!

I have to say that going out for lunch or going for a walk with with a friend can boost my happiness a lot more than going shopping alone or sitting at home and watching TV (I do have my shows don't get me wrong :)

Also on the show they found that the people who had more interaction at work rated their lives happier than people with less; So, special ed teachers, travel agents, clergy members, and fire fighters were found to be some of the "happiest" people. These people only make around $50,000 a year (at the most!) so it proves that making bucket loads of money does not make you any happier. I do believe you need enough money for food, shelter, mobility, and recreation. Not having basic needs would make your life more stressful and would lower your happiness level.

The most important happiness factor is making meaningful connections with people. This got me thinking that I would love to know the people who read my blog better. So if you don't mind say hi if you want through a comment or even an email. I would like to get to know you better! I know I have not been a regular poster and this is something I want to work on. Finding time has been difficult for this first time mom!

happy thursday!

9 Months *

Dear Sammy

You have turned 9 months old this past weekend and I can hardly wrap my mind around it. From 8 to 9 months there are so many new things you have learned and accomplished like: crawling, trying to share your sippy cup with me, pulling up onto your knees, opening dresser drawers, trying to use a spoon with help, brushing your teeth (with help) , sprouting two more teeth (for a total of 6), and trying to pick up and eat the tiniest of crumbs and scraps off the floor. Your dad and I talk about you after you have gone to sleep at night about how much we "like" you. You are such a fun kid already! You dad jokes that he is going to go wake you up because he misses you and wants to play with you.

How do you have this effect on us? It is a combination of the following I think:

your captivating smile, the adorable giggle when I make your stuffed animals talk to you, it is the dimples on your hands where eventually knuckles will be, it is the smell of your sweet head, it is the look of wonder on your face when you see something new, and it is the warmth of your little 20 lb 8oz body I feel while rocking you at night.

I love you Sammy :) God has surely blessed us more than we deserve.

Love Mom