following a path without knowing where it's going

I feel like I have been too guarded in my blog posts lately. It's time to be real again because for me it is therapeutic. And I never want to be something I am not in this space.

So you remember a while back I had started going to a flower shop to gain experience in hopes that they would eventually hire me. I felt like I was catching on really fast and I enjoyed going there so very much! I was learning new things and I would barely notice the time going by. I have become skilled in making wedding boutonnieres, corsages, and even bouquets. In such a way that I feel like if I was to get married again I would do my own flowers. The arrangement I had set up with the owner, was that I would keep coming in and training until she felt I had enough knowledge and skill to put me on the schedule. A few weeks ago she told me that I was getting faster and better at this whole flower thing and that I wasn't far from being put on the schedule.

Last week I had family and friends visiting and so I was unable to go there all week. I returned yesterday only to find they had hired someone new! I was confused and felt betrayed. Here I was coming in to this place I love, devoting lots of time, in hopes that this would become a nice part time job. It turns out this new person has a degree in horticulture and has a year of experience at a floral shop. So, I can understand why she was hired, but I also feel like my chances of being hired are slim to none considering the owner has been downsizing and has told me flat out that she cannot afford to hire me when I first started.

Being an adult I called the owner and discussed how I was feeling. She told me she needed someone who knew all the floral terminology, who could take orders, and make/do things with no direction. She went on to tell me that she appreciates all the help I've given, said I am a joy to have around, and that I have a great artistic eye for floral design but that it would take a couple years for me to be fully knowledgeable. I told her thank you for all the help, that I would be going up North next week with a friend, and that I would be in touch with her when I returned.

I don't want to seem like a "know-it-all" as far as the floral industry goes, but I don't feel like it is rocket science. Do you know what I mean? As a creative person, it comes very naturally and I feel like maybe I should move on and see if a different flower shop would like to give me a chance?

So now I am just at a loss at what to do. Today I woke up with a sore throat so I couldn't go in. My body is telling me to rest. My heart says: go back to your artwork and things will work out in time. So I am sitting here at my desk thinking about the beautiful walk I took down at Dunbar Cave with my mom last week and how I just want to sketch and paint beautiful leaves. I am anxious to go up to northern Wisconsin with one of my friends, to take pictures, be surrounded by lakes, woods, and soak up the summer sun.

I am not too concerned about the whole flower thing. I know everything will work out just the way it is supposed to. It's just sometimes rocks are thrown into our paths and we just need to go around them or kick them out of the way.

Thank you for listening :)