Why Create?

playing with my paints this morning

As I mentioned before I am taking an e-class called In the Fishbowl by Marisa Haedike. It is a class that covers how to make it as an online artist plus so much more! I have been sitting with some of the questions that have been brought up in class and would like to share some of my thoughts with you all today. If you don't mind :)

One of the questions was: Why do you create?

I create because I have a strong desire to do so. So many of us lose that passion as adults. When I make something I lose track of time and I can enjoy just being in the moment. I believe that when people create they are putting pieces of their souls into the world. I like to think that the paintings I make reflect my personality and show the world how I see and define beauty. And like some of my classmates have mentioned I believe that everyone is creative in their own way and that people would be happier if they took some time out of their day to make something.

Another question that one of my classmates brought up is: What are you doing when you are at your best? and when you are at your best how do you feel?

When I am at my best I am creating, running, making conscious decisions, learning new things, not judging myself or others, and enjoying the moment for what it is. When I am at my best I am not trying to do or be something I'm not. When I'm at my best I have focus and passion for what I am doing in life. I feel free from the expectations of society. My spirit is just how it was meant be.

Those are my deep thoughts for the day and now here are some pictures of my garden. I am so excited for my sunflowers to bloom!

Bye!

calla lilies and amelia bedelia

I am officially sick. I thought I had strep throat for sure, but it turns out I have an upper respiratory infection that has settled mostly in my tonsils. Yuck. I have to take antibiotics every 6 hours. I guess sometimes our bodies tell us when we need to slow down and thats exactly what I intend to do. The only thing I have the energy to do is paint small watercolors. I am going back to the basics, just focusing on one small object at a time and appreciating it's simple complexities. I love the fluidity of watercolors and how flexible and fast they are to work with. Here is a study of some pink calla lilies. They make me feel better just looking at them. Since I am no longer going to be going into the flower shop, drawing and painting flowers has become the next best thing. Amelia Bedelia seems to enjoy them too :)

Maybe later today or tomorrow I will tell you about an e-course I am taking by Creative Thursday's Marisa Haedike . I cannot tell you how wonderful I think e-courses are. They give you the opportunity to meet so many other artists and it has been a way for me to learn so many things about myself and to discover why I love to make things. My friend Ashley over at 31 experiment had some great thoughts on why she loves to create and I recommend that you check out her super cool blog.

Have a lovely Sunday folks.

Succulents

I am really fascinated by little plants, especially succulents. I photographed this little guy while I was in Lowes a few days ago. People must think I am crazy walking around photographing plants in such a big store.

I love my watercolor paints and hadn't used them in a while. I painted this today as I am not feeling well and it is very relaxing to me. It will be for sale in my shop later today if you are interested.

5 x 7 inch watercolor with ivory matte

Now I'm off to the doctor's. I think I have strep throat, which is crazy because I haven't had strep since I was in high school! I haven't taken any kind of antibiotic in at least ten years.

Have a happy Saturday!

following a path without knowing where it's going

I feel like I have been too guarded in my blog posts lately. It's time to be real again because for me it is therapeutic. And I never want to be something I am not in this space.

So you remember a while back I had started going to a flower shop to gain experience in hopes that they would eventually hire me. I felt like I was catching on really fast and I enjoyed going there so very much! I was learning new things and I would barely notice the time going by. I have become skilled in making wedding boutonnieres, corsages, and even bouquets. In such a way that I feel like if I was to get married again I would do my own flowers. The arrangement I had set up with the owner, was that I would keep coming in and training until she felt I had enough knowledge and skill to put me on the schedule. A few weeks ago she told me that I was getting faster and better at this whole flower thing and that I wasn't far from being put on the schedule.

Last week I had family and friends visiting and so I was unable to go there all week. I returned yesterday only to find they had hired someone new! I was confused and felt betrayed. Here I was coming in to this place I love, devoting lots of time, in hopes that this would become a nice part time job. It turns out this new person has a degree in horticulture and has a year of experience at a floral shop. So, I can understand why she was hired, but I also feel like my chances of being hired are slim to none considering the owner has been downsizing and has told me flat out that she cannot afford to hire me when I first started.

Being an adult I called the owner and discussed how I was feeling. She told me she needed someone who knew all the floral terminology, who could take orders, and make/do things with no direction. She went on to tell me that she appreciates all the help I've given, said I am a joy to have around, and that I have a great artistic eye for floral design but that it would take a couple years for me to be fully knowledgeable. I told her thank you for all the help, that I would be going up North next week with a friend, and that I would be in touch with her when I returned.

I don't want to seem like a "know-it-all" as far as the floral industry goes, but I don't feel like it is rocket science. Do you know what I mean? As a creative person, it comes very naturally and I feel like maybe I should move on and see if a different flower shop would like to give me a chance?

So now I am just at a loss at what to do. Today I woke up with a sore throat so I couldn't go in. My body is telling me to rest. My heart says: go back to your artwork and things will work out in time. So I am sitting here at my desk thinking about the beautiful walk I took down at Dunbar Cave with my mom last week and how I just want to sketch and paint beautiful leaves. I am anxious to go up to northern Wisconsin with one of my friends, to take pictures, be surrounded by lakes, woods, and soak up the summer sun.

I am not too concerned about the whole flower thing. I know everything will work out just the way it is supposed to. It's just sometimes rocks are thrown into our paths and we just need to go around them or kick them out of the way.

Thank you for listening :)

i like visits

My mom, her best friend, and my best friend came to visit this past week. I feel so happy that they came to see what I've been up to, to appreciate the trees in my back yard, the garden, some new paintings. I love that they appreciate the beauty that Tennessee has to offer even though it was 95 with 100 percent humidity! I feel so fortunate to have people that want to visit. They make me wish I lived closer. Closer to the place I came from. Closer to what made me.. me. 

I love that my mom appreciates life so much. She is so young at heart and a blast to be around. As I get older I adore my mom more and more. I can see her as a person with a life rather than just as my mom. 

Seeing my friend Katie was also a treat.  Katie is one of those people you can just pick up where you left off with. She is the kind of friend you can just be exactly how you feel. We talked about how fun it would be to live close to one another some day, to raise our kids by each other (no kids on my end yet), to enjoy the truly simple things in life that we already enjoy but in closer proximity. I don't know if that will ever be a reality as jobs and life have a way of laying out the path before us, but it was fun to think about. 

I am now readjusting to my daily schedule. You know how it is after you get back from a vacation or have company over for a while? I kind of feel disconnected from myself, but not in a bad way. It's just that I feel the need to be grounded, to get my hands messy outside, to paint, to drink up the heat of the day and have it not effect me in the least, to run, to bike, and to accept what the day throws at me with open arms. 

Roxanne

Today was not a great day by any means

My car has been acting up lately. The air conditioner never feels cool enough and when it sits at a light the temperature gage starts to rise. I knew it wasn't the coolant because I checked that. So I took it into firestone today thinking they could tell me what was wrong. Bad choice. It took over three hours of me waiting for it before someone could come and tell me that they still don't know what is wrong with it. Not to mention the mall was with in walking distance so I ended up spending money due to the wait and the proximity of good shopping.  

On a better note, I dropped my car off at the GM dealer and I think they will understand my car better. Hopefully it is nothing too expensive! I will find out what the deal is tomorrow. Roxanne (my car) is ten years old now so I'm sure the wear and tear of daily drives is catching up with her. She can't remain young and spry forever I guess. 

On an even better than better note, my mom, her friend, and my best friend are coming into town this week so I have one and a half days to get my house in order. I am so excited to have some company down here. Living far away from my favorite people only makes the time I spend with them more fun and special! I can't wait! 

Sorry I don't have a picture for you of my sick car!

my favorite hangout

This is my favorite little place to hang out during the summer days. Nothing beats a front porch swing. It is perfect and shady during the first half of the day and then the sun comes over the house and it becomes very hot. It is the perfect place to drink my coffee in the morning and  eat a bowl of cereal on occasion. I see my neighbors walking their dogs, enjoying the coolness of the morning. I also see the birds fighting for worms in the front yard. The hummingbirds don't usually come to the feeder while I am out there, but every once in a while a brave one will buzz by and grab a quick drink.  In the evenings I like to sit on the swing with my husband and watch the sunset until the mosquitos become too unbearable. 

I hope summer finds you well and that you get a chance to soak up some sun. As much as I hate getting wrinkles, I do love the sun on my face and on my shoulder (it makes me happy). 

Thursday Things: Chartreuse Muse

Hi everyone. I just wanted to say thanks for those of you who left such kind words about my poem. I do write lots of poems in my journals and sketches, but I am always a little shy to post them. I am actually quite a shy person until you get to know me. So this blog has been a great way for me to overcome any fears of exposing who I am and what I am thinking. This blog has become such a great way for me to feel connected to the creative world and to share tidbits of my life with friends and family. I just love it!

And I would like to thank Southern Girl of Southerngirlflorals for nominating me for the loveliest  blog award! I feel so flattered and happy to receive this from such a wonderful  blogger :)

So today I'm back with Thursday Things. I know it has been a few weeks since I have contributed to this series of mine, but it's back. 

Chartreuse: It's a fun color, it evokes energy, and i like it. 

This original painting titled Chair of Joy  by LeiLiLaLoo is so beautiful. I love the grey paired with red, turquoise, and chartreuse. 

This Fancy a Brew? tea towel by MrPS  speaks for itself. Love it, want it, super cool. Alright so it is more on the lime side of the greens but I had to include it. 

This is a fine art photo titled Shocking by flandersfield. Purple and Chartreuse are shockingly beautiful when paired together.  I love this plant too, so much that I want to draw pictures of it. 

I thought this necklace by curlysue fit into the chartreuse theme nicely. It would add just the right amount of color when wearing a simple black shirt. At least that's what I would wear it with :) 

Last, this fine art photo card by JudyStalus is so pretty and fitting for any occasion. I am so inspired by all of these colors! 

Thank you etsy sellers for creating what you love, inspiring others, and for being awesome in general. 

another poem

my shoes and I went for a run today

they took me on a journey around the same blocks I always travel

but to me, the journey is always different

different people, different weather

new plants blooming

new cracks in the ground forming and expanding

the sunrise and sunset, never the same

along the way I am struck by the beauty of the trees

the sky is their canvas, their leaves are a painting

they encourage me to keep creating

as I run by them I feel as if I am a song or a memory 

swirling through the breeze

I feel like a part of nature 

not separate from it

on my runs I know I am exactly where I need to be 

thank you running shoes, thank you trees

-me

things i like

I love fresh flowers. I would have them in my house at all times if I could swing it. This little bouquet is made with pink roses and some of my lavender. Smells like heaven in a vase. 

Here are a few more things I love:

* The weather today...low 80's and no humidity. A miracle for TN weather. 

* The new DMB album

* My husband :)

* Hot fudge sundays (preferably McDonald's but DQ will also do) 

And thats all I can think of right now. Now I'm off to water my garden and find a good outdoor project to do so I can soak up this weather. 

a handmade gift and living space updates

Lucky me!

I may be biased, but I think I might have the best in-laws on the planet. My mother in law made me this adorable felted purse. She has always been into sewing and this year she learned how to knit and felt things. She also sewed two other adorable little purses for me. Just out of the blue for no reason. I feel so loved :)

I also wanted to share an updated picture of my crazy art room (it is never this clean by the way). I bought this rug from target because it is so bright and fun. It makes coming into this space feel like home to me. I sometimes worry if my love for patterns can get out of control in some parts of my house, but I figure an art room should be a reflection of what I love and be inspiring. Isn't it fun? 

Lastly, here is a photo of my living room. I told you I like pattern. I had been eyeing the green pillow from Pier one for a couple months. It finally went on sale to 25% off. Patience pays folks. Abner was kind enough to pose by the fire place. He loves being the center of attention. 

trust is the key

New Painting called:  American Hardwoods

I feel so lucky that I have a place I can come to for great support and advice. I want to say thank you to all of you for your input yesterday. I love that I have blog friends who understand me! 

After some reflection I realize the reason I was feeling so confused yesterday is due to fear. Fear that I will not succeed. Fear that I will not have money. Fear that I should do what society thinks is the best way.  I went over to Creative Thursday's Podcast  (thanks for the reminder Ashley) and listened to her podcast on trust. Here are some points that really spoke to me:

Trusting myself means:

believing in myself

believing in my creations

I can think clearly

I already have the answers

that life is working in my favor 

that I won't compare myself to others

that I will make decisions from a place that is secure and happy

Not trusting myself means:

I will let others beliefs drive my decisions

I make decisions out of fear

I will not have peace

I will not be creative

I will not be happy

 

Therefore, I have decided to not apply for the teaching job. Instead I will keep making more artwork. I will trust myself. And if I falter....you better be the first to tell me!

May peace and trust be with you...(that sounds church-y)

fumbling and reality

I feel like I am fumbling a bit. I am in a state of in betweenness as far as work goes. I desire to make a living as an artist yet it seems so daunting at times. I have days when I go into my art room and nothing turns out. The only thing I leave behind in the art room is a tornado of scraps paint, and sweat. But no substance. I started this whole flower shop gig and as fun and interesting as it is, I don't know if it is really going to amount to earning real money. I hate hate hate to be a worrier in the financial sense but it is reality. And as much as my right brain wants to enjoy living an artful life and ignore the dollar signs, it is not responsible to do so. My left brain is saying "HEY you! Remember me! I am your common sense and I want to help you!" 

There has to be a way to balance this. I am considering teaching again this coming fall to get rid of some school loans and to possibly purchase a new vehicle since mine is showing signs of illness. It would be an 8-4 gig at an elementary school.  This is not ideal as I know I wouldn't have the artistic freedom I have right now and I would be exhausted and kind of cranky at the end of the day. This is simply what millions of Americans do though. They work at a job they don't necessarily love to pay the bills. With the state of the economy in some areas, many people would die to have the chance at a full time teaching job. Turning my nose up at this kind of opportunity probably sounds rediculous to most of you who read this! 

The truth: I want to trust that the path I am on is where I'm supposed to be. I want to trust that the uncertain feeling is just part of being stuck in between where I was and where I'm going. I want to trust that there is a reason that I was drawn to the flower shop. I want to trust that there was a reason I quit teaching in the first place.  I want to trust in my creativity, my soul, my dreams. I need to. But maybe I can still trust and teach at the same time. 

We all want to trust that the path God has put us on is exactly where we need to be. I believe this is true. But the lingering doubt in the back of my mind is enough to make me question it.  I have to remind myself that this is okay because it is part of the journey. There are things I need to learn and I may need to just sit in this uneasiness for a while. I may submit my application for the teaching job and just see what happens. If I am supposed to work there then I will be hired. If there are other plans for me, then I will just wait and see what that is. 

 I already feel better writing this down here. Thanks so much for listening to me. Oh and I was nervous to show a picture of this little collage I made (above) with watercolors and scraps one morning. But there is something I like about it and thought I would share. Please excuse the shadow that is cast upon it! I did a quick and dirty photo shoot and this is what I ended up with.