STUFF does not make your life any happier in the BUT

a smile like this does.....

I was watching the oprah show on happiness this morning and I wasn't surprised to learn that the thing that makes for a much happier life is interaction with other humans!

I have to say that going out for lunch or going for a walk with with a friend can boost my happiness a lot more than going shopping alone or sitting at home and watching TV (I do have my shows don't get me wrong :)

Also on the show they found that the people who had more interaction at work rated their lives happier than people with less; So, special ed teachers, travel agents, clergy members, and fire fighters were found to be some of the "happiest" people. These people only make around $50,000 a year (at the most!) so it proves that making bucket loads of money does not make you any happier. I do believe you need enough money for food, shelter, mobility, and recreation. Not having basic needs would make your life more stressful and would lower your happiness level.

The most important happiness factor is making meaningful connections with people. This got me thinking that I would love to know the people who read my blog better. So if you don't mind say hi if you want through a comment or even an email. I would like to get to know you better! I know I have not been a regular poster and this is something I want to work on. Finding time has been difficult for this first time mom!

happy thursday!

Putting it out there

I want to live way up north in the woods.

In a cozy home with a front porch and swing

with a real fireplace

Where my kids can run around outside all day

and explore the land

A place where there is enough land for my husband to ride four-wheelers and snow-mobiles

and hunt

I want my kids to know how to build a tree fort and to skip rocks

I want a real christmas tree every year

I want my kids to know God, to have moral values and character, and to appreciate life

I want a garden in the summer

with veggies and flowers

I want a home where playing games and singing songs is the norm

I want to relearn how to play the piano

I want a creative space where my kids and I can paint and make things all day long

It doesn't have too be big

or fancy

I don't even need to live close to a mall

that's what shopping on the internet is for

I want to live closer to our families

so my kids know their grandparents

I want more kids eventually

I want a big hill to ride sleds down in the winter

I want my husband to find a job that pays enough for us to do this

and a job that makes him happy

I know this may be a lot to want

but I do

and I am putting it out there in hopes that it will come true!

Samuel

It has been a while but I finally have some time and would like to share my birth story with you. My sweet baby boy was born April 15 at 9:56 AM. He is now nearly five weeks old!

At 41 weeks pregnant it was recommended that I be induced. I was apprehensive to do this as I had been planning for a natural unmedicated birth and I really wanted to experience labor starting on its own. After talking to my doula, my best friend, and my husband I decided I was ready to meet little Samuel. So Wednesday evening at around 7:30 pm my husband and I checked into the hospital. By 9:30 they inserted cervidal a cervical softener to help with dilation. The plan was to start pitocin 12 hours later to start contractions. By 3 am my water broke! By 4 am I was in active labor. The nurse removed the cervidal and my body progressed on its own. I was so happy that I didn't need the pitocin.

When active labor kicked in, it felt as if my contractions were getting stronger and closer together. Thoughts of the epidural ran through my mind as I knew I was on some kind of ride that I couldn't get off. It's amazing how fast those fears and thoughts can creep in. That's why it is so important to have people at your birth to support you. I mean truly support you. People who know your birth wishes before you go into labor, who can remind you that you CAN do it! My husband told me to hold off on the epidural because my doula was on her way. As soon as my doula arrived she got me out of the hospital bed. This was the key to me being able to cope with the contractions. She was an awesome coach! With each contraction I would squat or sit on the birthing ball to bring the baby down. This was doable. I was able to relax and breath and think about how each contraction was bringing me closer to my baby. It is amazing what your body can do if you just surrender to it. I truly believe that all women can have natural births if that is what they wish for. I do think having a doula made the difference. If she had not been there I would have had the epidural.

I was dilating quickly and by 9 amit was time to push! This was the toughest and most amazing part I think. Your cannot not push, if that makes sense? Your whole body is this powerful machine (this is the best way I can describe it) that is working toward pushing this baby out whether your mind agrees to it or not! My mind could not comprehend how a baby was going to come out of me! But I knew that letting go of those doubts and believing in my body as well as those trying to help me was the key to bringing little Samuel into this world.

After about 40 minutes of pushing he arrived. Tears of amazement, joy, and relief came over me as they laid him on my chest. He had a head of curly hair and was perfectly perfect in every way. He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz. and was 21 inches long :)

Life and birth....what a miraculous process. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Here he is at 1 month old. So precious! He looks like his daddy.

I am thinking about starting a new blog. A family blog mixed in with my artwork. I need a good name for it. Any suggestions are welcome!

It's all for you

I stole this quote from Doorways Traveler's blog. It really spoke to me today.

Do you have doubts about life? Are you unsure if it is worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and raise the light within each person under the sky. It's okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise.

~Miranda July, from "The Shared Patio" in No One Belongs Here More Than You. Stories by Miranda July

i like visits

My mom, her best friend, and my best friend came to visit this past week. I feel so happy that they came to see what I've been up to, to appreciate the trees in my back yard, the garden, some new paintings. I love that they appreciate the beauty that Tennessee has to offer even though it was 95 with 100 percent humidity! I feel so fortunate to have people that want to visit. They make me wish I lived closer. Closer to the place I came from. Closer to what made me.. me. 

I love that my mom appreciates life so much. She is so young at heart and a blast to be around. As I get older I adore my mom more and more. I can see her as a person with a life rather than just as my mom. 

Seeing my friend Katie was also a treat.  Katie is one of those people you can just pick up where you left off with. She is the kind of friend you can just be exactly how you feel. We talked about how fun it would be to live close to one another some day, to raise our kids by each other (no kids on my end yet), to enjoy the truly simple things in life that we already enjoy but in closer proximity. I don't know if that will ever be a reality as jobs and life have a way of laying out the path before us, but it was fun to think about. 

I am now readjusting to my daily schedule. You know how it is after you get back from a vacation or have company over for a while? I kind of feel disconnected from myself, but not in a bad way. It's just that I feel the need to be grounded, to get my hands messy outside, to paint, to drink up the heat of the day and have it not effect me in the least, to run, to bike, and to accept what the day throws at me with open arms. 

trust is the key

New Painting called:  American Hardwoods

I feel so lucky that I have a place I can come to for great support and advice. I want to say thank you to all of you for your input yesterday. I love that I have blog friends who understand me! 

After some reflection I realize the reason I was feeling so confused yesterday is due to fear. Fear that I will not succeed. Fear that I will not have money. Fear that I should do what society thinks is the best way.  I went over to Creative Thursday's Podcast  (thanks for the reminder Ashley) and listened to her podcast on trust. Here are some points that really spoke to me:

Trusting myself means:

believing in myself

believing in my creations

I can think clearly

I already have the answers

that life is working in my favor 

that I won't compare myself to others

that I will make decisions from a place that is secure and happy

Not trusting myself means:

I will let others beliefs drive my decisions

I make decisions out of fear

I will not have peace

I will not be creative

I will not be happy

 

Therefore, I have decided to not apply for the teaching job. Instead I will keep making more artwork. I will trust myself. And if I falter....you better be the first to tell me!

May peace and trust be with you...(that sounds church-y)

Leap after Leap

This is a note to myself and to you to remind us that it's ok to not know what the heck is going on. I have these days where I feel these bouts of inspiration and I like sharing them here. I hope you don't mind and that you don't think I am crazy.

 

I think the left part of our brains are so obsessed with timelines, answers, conclusions to the problem, creating problems, solving, solving, searching, re-evaluating, and controlling,  that it clouds our souls quite a bit! This part of our brain is necessary in order to survive and to live in this world but I favor the right side myself. To nurture the right side is to acknowledge the fun, spontaneous, creative side of yourself. It makes living a whole lot o' fun. I like saying that "lot o' fun. 

You have to make an effort to use this side of the brain. Your left brain may resist at first, but just ignore it. It is merely scared that you will now be able to control it. It also takes practice, so my suggestion is that you do one spontaneous or creative thing a day in order to build confidence. Here is a list of things I like to do to nurture this side of myself.

1. Get on your bike and go pick up a friend. Ride bikes through the neighborhood like you are kids again. Find a sweet jump. Jump it (only if you have a helmet on).

2. Collect treasures on a walk. This can be anything from rocks to bugs, to small forgotten plastic toys. Think about the life this treasure had before you found it. 

3. Have a fire in your backyard or a friend's. What could be more spontaneous than fire? Tell ghost stories.

4.  Go galavanting around town with no particular purpose. Buy a cream slush at sonic. Yum! or go to your craft store and buy a new art tool to play with. 

5. Make something. I don't care if you are not a so called "artist". Find some magazines, old photos, maps, and cut interesting shapes out. Make a postcard/collage out of it and send it to someone. If you are too embarrassed of how it looks, send it to me. I can appreciate it! 

6. Ok this is a sappy one but I really believe it: Continually notice the beauty around you (Note: ignore garbage in the street and mean people). Also remember that we are a part of this universe, not separate from it. 

7. Laugh. Laugh at yourself. Call up your funniest friend and laugh together. This is my favorite thing to do. 

8. Take lots of pictures. Of everything, anything. Don't ask me why. It is just a fun thing to do. 

Have a splendid Wednesday and don't forget to watch the season finale of LOST!

-me

let your spirit dance

~my feet~

Do you wake up in the morning and feel like the possibilities for the day are endless? This is how I have been feeling every day since quitting my job last year. It is liberating for my spirit. I remember this time last year I was teaching at a middle school. As hard as I tried to "love" my job I couldn't deny the voices and whispers in my heart that kept telling me:

"This isn't you"  "This isn't the right path for you." "You can't force this job on yourself." "You are suffocating"

It is funny how the rational part of yourself tries to squash these voices:

"But sometimes you like this job." "You are making money now!" " It will get easier with time"......

It was like a game of tug of war in my head! It is so hard because society teaches us to go to school, get a degree, get good grades, get a steady paying job, and live happily ever after.  We are told when we grow up that we can be whatever we want to be, but usually this concept is squashed in high school when you are trying to choose a college major and it feels like there are so many limitations in the world. Expectations determine the path we take. We are asked "What do you want to major in?" when we should be asked "What makes your spirit come alive?!" 

Since I have always been the kind of person to follow my heart rather than my head. I finally squashed the rational side of my mind and wrote down my decision on the white board in my office: 

 I WILL NOT GO BACK NEXT YEAR

This was a pivotal moment. My creative side cheered! "YES. This is the first step. Don't doubt yourself." At this point I had to trust that what I was doing was the right thing, but the flood gate of fear came pouring over me. What was I going to do next then? What will people think of me quitting a perfectly good job? How will I make money? Am I crazy? 

I knew that I wanted to live a creative life. I wanted to honor the gifts that God has given me. I wanted to make artwork, to learn, to explore, and to share this path with others. I created space in my life for this dream. It is slowly coming along and I get excited about all my small victories, whether I sell a print in my shop, finish a new painting, or get compliments on my art. 

Luckily I have a very supportive husband. He knew I wasn't happy with my job. I have been so blessed to have found a person who cares about me and my happiness more than an extra paycheck every month. In turn, I will always support what his heart tells him and encourage him to do what he loves as well. 

Please know that I don't think everyone should quit their jobs and be an artist. I know many people who love and enjoy their jobs. I have one friend who is an extraordinary teacher and I can't imagine her doing anything else. What I do believe is we should do what makes our spirit dance. As far as I know we only get to live once. We need to make brave decisions and live passionately. 

Thankful

* Postcard that I recieved in the mail yesterday made by my beautiful and talented auntie Anne (who really should be more like a cousin because she doesn't age)

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”

~Mary Sarton

Enjoy the weekend

Colorado

My trip to Colorado was much needed. What was mostly needed was seeing my best friend and of course seeing her adorable baby, Theodore (whom we endearingly call Teddy).

I was amazed at what a wonderful mother my friend was...not that I didn't think she would be a good mom but I it was just so fun to see her and Teddy interact with one another and to see the love they shared. Every time she would walk in the room Teddy's eyes would light up and a huge smile would stretch across his face. It gave me perspective on what it will be like someday to have my own babies. 

Teddy and I also had bonding time. I was happy to discover that we shared the same sense of humor. The funnier the face you made at him, the more he giggled and grinned! He also loved it when I sang the song Barbara Anne to him because he could make the noise "ba ba ba" making it easy for him to sing along :) 

I feel like I could go on and on about what a lovely time I had. It was great to see Colorado! The mountains and the views were just breathtaking. I feel so full right now. Full of inspiration and joy from my short trip. I just want to say thank you to Katie, Ryan, and my little nephew Teddy for letting me come visit and making my time so memorable. 

Don't Burn The Day

*Picture taken by me in central park 2007

Do you ever feel like you wish your days away just to make it to the weekend or to some special event in the future? You get so caught up in/bored with the daily grind that you don't take the time to enjoy the present moment, to enjoy the people you are with, to enjoy the beauty in your life. I am usually pretty good about enjoying each day and appreciating everything down to the smallest things, but being only human I can easily forget.

It's like the smallest grain of negativity can infest your mind and make you forget what it is that you should be thankful for! Negative people are the worst, they activate their negativity button and it spreads like a virus to the next victim. It's like they are living in their own negative world in their head, they are trapped and can't get out of it. You know the type. The kind that wants to bring you down when you are having a great day. Don't let them do it. Be strong, kill their negativity with kindness. Don't get sucked into the world of doom and complaining. 

I'm not saying its not ok to have a bad day. I know life can be tough. I know sometimes you just break and you need someone to talk to, so that they can cheer you up. I'm talking about total unnecessary negativity...like the sun is shining, it's 70 degrees and someone says "I hate how bright the sun is today!" Or someone who is constantly blaming others for their lack of luck and happiness in the world. We all hold the key to our own happiness and for me, it is a choice. I can either take what I got and make the best of it or I can be miserable and caught up in the idea that the world has dealt me a bad hand of cards. 

I have so much to be thankful for in my life and sometimes I really do wonder if I am in a dream. I have the best husband in the world, caring and wonderful friends, a nice humble home, super cats, the ability to run, my artwork, a car that runs, and good health. Seriously. I have it good!

Our lives are so short on this sphere in space called Earth. I always realize this right when I wake up and that small sliver of sunshine is streaming in through my window, and I think "wow I am here and alive to enjoy this sunshine." Life really amazes me. I just want to take it all in, spread a little kindness, and enjoy it while I'm here.

"There's much more than we see here. Don't burn the day away."  -Dave Mathews

(I will post some pictures later today :)